So this is it

sometimes this is it
time just flashes by
i need to do so many things but i feel grumpy and weak
and i rather dance and talk with you
and have some fun

but i feel like a crazy clown
but one of those without makeup and disguise
I feel like a lie

And so I crawl out and into bed
and in and out of this computer
reading and writing and not knowing what else to do with my life
searching for meaning
in a pit of meaningless mercy.

I just evade reality and run into it,
i need reality badly,
but a sane one
a good place to life at,
a job i can do
a place I can handle,
study I like
and I know what rhat is...
I have it a hand away...
but i`m too weak to grab it

And people can help me,
I ask them for help,
they are there
and they do help me...
but thay cannot make me move my own body...
my own two anemic feet and hands.

I need to eat better
To breathe better
To sleep better,

To move to another place

And to have a better life.

It dependes on me and on having the old lady far away!!